A short update. The code and circuit work, a setback with the Trinket has led me to switch with the Arduino Pro Mini, which has also led it to its own share of uploading issues, which after much testing and re testing and scouring the internet for fixes, I have the solution!
First, the FTDI for Mini Arduino Pro must be hooked through a USB hub for a PC for reasons unknown to me. (Macs are fine, Future me, in case you are searching for this for your future projects.) So I installed the drivers for FTDI and then realized I was using the wrong code. (Thank you past me for having the foresight of putting it up on github. You have saved yourself much grief.)
Trying to see if the same trick will for for the Trinket, only time will tell.
Unfortunately, there will be no final permasetup and enclosure, but hey. You got like, 80% of your work for this done if you revisit this future me.